The New Mummy Film: Girl, You Can Do Better

Mummy

I caught my first glimpse of the new Mummy trailer tonight. At first, I was really excited. I unabashedly love Brendan Fraser version of the franchise, and for a brief, shining second, I had hope. And then, well…

Then I realized Tom Cruise was in it.

Mummy

Re-enactment of me noping out.

Yeah…no, dude. I honestly think the last thing I liked Tom Cruise in was Far and Away, and I was 14 then, so a lot of that might have been hormones. Add to that his batshit insanity, and I am not giving money to him. Added to that, this trailer makes it look like Tom Cruise is the Mummy’s Chosen One?

Mummy

Truer words have never been spoken.

 

Mummy

Drake knows.

I could throw a rock on the street and hit a better choice than Tom Cruise, just sayin’. No princess–let alone some kind of an immortal princess who can rain plagues down on humanity–would choose that fate.

But really, the more my Rat Queens and I talked about it, the more we agreed: yes, the Mummy has always been a staple of films, from Universal Monsters to Hammer Horror to The Rock as the Scorpion King. It’s a good, solid horror tale, and it will probably never get old. But what the hell is the point of a reboot now, especially when that reboot seems solely based on a gender swap? If it’s done well, maybe, but this doesn’t look like it’s done well. It smacks of someone at a pitch meeting saying “Let’s update The Mummy! You know what would be edgy? A gender swap!” It just doesn’t work. The Trump Presidency has me as desperate for escape and escapism as the next person, but even I’m not that damned desperate. So, although I would be happy to be wrong, I want to be on the record with this: The Mummy reboot has me like…

Mummy

About the Author

Julie Hegner
Ginger with all that entails, including imagining myself as Black Widow on a regular basis. Runner, knitter, Whovian, Sleepyhead, Hellblazer, reader, writer, and all-around fangirl. Not necessarily in that order.

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